


They're nerds, but they're your nerds

by nihilBliss



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Anal Fingering, Bulges and Nooks (Homestuck), Coitus Interruptus, Dorks in Love, Double Penetration, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, M/M, Moirails With Pails, Multi, Oral Sex, POV Second Person, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Panties, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Porn Watching, Psychic Abilities, Psychic Bond, Sex Toys, Simultaneous Orgasm, Small Penis, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Sex, Vibrators, Wet & Messy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 09:08:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19850002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nihilBliss/pseuds/nihilBliss
Summary: Tegiri has found a potential matesprit. He's a little loud, but he's loyal to the Heiress, and he gets Tegiri's weirder anime jokes. They're clicking so far, but when they get back to Kuprum's van, there's a knock at the door. That's when things get interesting.





	They're nerds, but they're your nerds

You yank open the door of the van you share with your moirail, and you hear someone say - not make a sound, but say - “gack.” It’s not a word you’ve heard before, and being that you have voidrot, you’ve done a lot of hearing in your life. But you do know the sound of some asshole scrambling through your van and planting their no-doubt twinky back against the wall, even under the blaring sound of your moirail’s weird Eastern Alternian tentacle porn.

“LOL!” says Kuprum. “Sup Fol?”

“Drained,” you say. “Who’s your guest?”

“Nervous teal’s name is Tegiri,” he says. “Fuckin weirdo is pretty cute. We were gonna pail lol. Need a charge?”   
You are not mean. This fucking weirdo is clearly skeeved out by your sudden arrival. You know most moirails - hell, most trolls - would step out and let their partner get their fuck on like weird bugs ought to do. But you have needs.

“Fuck yes,” you say. “Hi, Tegiri… Are you pitch… or flushed with… my asshole moirail?”

“You are his moirai/?” he says in this weird cadence that sounds like a dubbed Eastern Alternian cartoon, which says most of what you need to know about how this tool met Kuprum. “Kuprum, this is most irregu/ar. Whi/e you did exp/ain your moirai/’s… condition, you neg/ected to mention that she was so impo/ite as to interrupt our courtship ritua/!”

“Flushed, gotcha,” you say. “Look, I just need… Kuprum’s mouth… for a little bit… the rest of him… is all yours.”

Kuprum LOLs hard at the choke-like sound Tegiri makes. You laugh too.

“What’s so fucking funny!” he demands. You and Kurpum only laugh harder.

“Dumbass fuckin sword nerd needs to get over here and get his face back in my nook,” Kuprum says, and Tegiri makes an indignant sort of noise as Kuprum’s powers crackle. Tegiri thumps as he lands on the mattressed floor of the van. Before Kuprum can say anything else stupid - that is, anything at all - you lock lips with him and suck the psychic energy he so readily provides.

“This is most perverted!” Tegiri says, not eating Kuprum’s nook like he goddamn well should be by now. Clearly, you have to take things into your own hands.

You grab him by his hair - dry, full of split ends, but clean, at least - and shove his face against Kuprum’s crotch.

“Get licking, nerd,” you say. “You’re a pervert too. That’s not Kuprum’s… shitty tentacle porn.”

Another “gack,” and you know your shot in the dark hit home. Time to seal the deal.

“If I have to… third wheel for… Kuprum again… I’m going to… charge money,” you say.

“Shut up!” Kuprum says. “Lousy asshole moirail shouldn’t go flapping her fucking bulge holster about my relationships.”

“This is what… he gets… out of our… moirallegiance,” you say, ignoring Kuprum’s protests. “He feeds me… energy, and I… help him stop being… such a pathetic bottom… and fill his pails.”

Kuprum squeals in that helpless frustration that means he knows he’s been owned. You love that sound. And from the little noises Tegiri is making, he’s pretty into it too.

“Wanna know what… drives him crazy?” you ask.

“Hmm?” Tegiri inquires, now licking with genuine enthusiasm. “It wou/d be proper of a moirai/ to share such information with their quadrant’s prospective matesprit.”

You shed your pants and stuff your bulge into Kuprum’s mouth demonstratively. He chokes a little as your not-insignificant length slips down his throat. But soon enough, he suckles at you like a good little oinkbeast, and groans mix with the energy that emanates through your body.

“You’re fi/thy,” Tegiri says, loving it. He’s shucked off his seedberry-print panties - fucking hell, he and Kuprum  _ are _ made for each other - and is letting his teal bulge - almost adorable with how short and skinny it is - wrap around two fingers.

“You think… I’m filthy? Stick your fingers… up Kuprum’s chute.”

Kuprum squeaks, and his nook audibly gushes fluid down the crack of his ass. Your moirail is a douche at times, but on rare occasions, he can be pretty helpful.

“Oh my,” Tegiri says, and from the way Kuprum writhes, you know he’s doing something penetrative to Kup’s hole. But there’s always a downside to every boon, and Kuprum’s jaws involuntarily clench, squeezing your bulge. You pull out and roll off to the side.

“Bulgebiting piece of shit,” you say. “I know what… you deserve.”

“Fuck you!” he spits, dubiously coherent with anal pleasure. But you scuttle over to where he hides his vibrators and pull one out - not the biggest or the fattest, but the one with by far the strongest motor.

“Here, nerd… put this… up his ass,” you say. Tegiri gasps but complies all the same, muffled whine of the motor no match for your moirail's keening. Maybe Kuprum deserves some credit for his taste in trolls, you think for a moment before remembering his last hookup. You discard that thought like someone discarded that perfectly good grubburger you ate for breakfast.

“I don’t ride bulge,” you declare. “But if you… put Kup in your nook… I’ll fuck him. It’ll drive him… out of his pan.”

“Oh fuck!” Kuprum whines, and he climaxes loudly, squealing all the while.

Tegiri doesn’t say anything. Either he’s in awe, or he has the sense to shut up and take direction. You hope it’s the latter, because frankly, someone needs to recognize how awesome you are around this van.

The teal nerd does, however, audibly whimper as he straddles Kuprum’s soaking wet bulge, his own puny wiggly flailing as he takes it to the base. Kup gurgles; he always had a thing for the cold.

“Oh, senpai, you’re so big,” moans Tegiri, voice pitching into a falsetto. “P/ease take pity on my shamefu//y sma// bu/ge and make my nook your bucket!” You snort mockery as you climb behind the nerds and stuff three rude fingers into Kuprum’s nook. He shrieks, then chirrs, then sobs, fingers digging into Tegiri’s thighs.

“Fuck yeah I will! Gonna fill so goddamn many buckets with you, Tegiri-kun!”

If you had eyes to roll… whatever, your bulge is tingling with need, and there’s a greedy nook right in front of you. You pull your fingers out and jam your hips against Kuprum’s. Once your bulge finds his entrance, it shoots in as deep as it will go, filling him up and sending him kicking the air. 

He’s pretty much screaming now. You can barely hear Tegiri’s whimpers, though you feel him rocking himself up and down the too-hot bulge in his nook. He's doing a good job, from the sound of it. Maybe the dweeb deserves a reward.

You reach around Tegiri's broad hips and grab his bulge, rolling the tip loosely between your fingers. He gasps like a wimp and goes over like boiled noodles, his hips jerking with no real rhythm. From the way Kuprum gets even louder and more frantic, the sword nerd is doing good things with his nook, too. It's hot as fuck hearing your moirail spazzing out like this.

The hairs on the back of your neck shoot straight up, and you know Kuprum is getting close. His powers arc around the three of you, crackling, lifting you off the mattress all together. You reach back and crank the vibrator up to its highest setting, and that does it.

What happens has only happened to you and Kuprum once before. He called it the fuck overflow singularity, which is dumb, but it's illustrative. The vibrations, the clenching, the fullness, bleed over into your nerves. Tegiri squawks, then moans in a higher pitch yet, hit by the wave of added pleasure. You feel his twitches turn to spasms as he closes in on his climax.

"GrrrghffffFFFFFFFUUUUUUUCK!" Kuprum wails, sending a shockwave of psychic energy through the air. For a moment, the lines between you and Kuprum and Tegiri blur. Kup's orgasm pours into you, which flows into Tegiri and swirls as you feel your body dumping energy and cum into Kuprum's nook. You feel something soft and shivery fill you - Tegiri's orgasm - and everything goes abstract in your mind. All the words are gone, and the raw sensation of your shared triple orgasm overwhelms.

When you come back to the senses, the three of you are slumped in an awkward pile, drenched in gold and teal, panting and shaking. It would be great if you didn't feel wrung out and more drained than when you started. The ache reaches from your core to the split ends of your hair, spoiling your afterglow.

"Kup," you groan, thin and pitiful. He lifts his head, sees you, pulls you into his arms without question.

"Fol," he whispers. He kisses your forehead, trickling energy back into you. You sigh as the ache abates, and you muster the energy to pull your teal-stained shirt off, now skin to skin with your moirail.

"I see you are in your pi/e now," Tegiri says in between enough ums and uhs to undermine most of the respect he earned while you were pailing. "I sha// /et myse/f out, then?"

"Get the fuck over here," Kuprum says. "No pailing without cuddling."

He sets a hand on Tegiri's hip and pulls him in to spoon. You reach past Kuprum and scratch the teal through his hair.

"Package deal," you mumble, letting yourself drift. You feel an unfamiliar hand rest on your head and a finger running across your ear.

Sometimes your nerd does good.


End file.
